


Happy Medium

by gb1701



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Gen, spones - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 02:08:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8692285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gb1701/pseuds/gb1701
Summary: Spock struggles to keep his emotions in check after the events of This Side of Paradise.  Luckily, Bones is on hand to help him through it.





	

Spock had been out of sorts for a week. Doctor McCoy stood looking at a flask of green fluid. Vulcan blood. Spock's blood. McCoy had performed a full physical on Spock who was now resting in his quarters. After some unrelenting goading from Jim he had requested, and been granted, some relief from his duties.  
McCoy was running tests on Spock's blood to see if the problem was physiological. So far, the tests had turned up nothing. Spock's blood was completely normal. _Well, normal for a Vulcan_ McCoy thought to himself. 

"What's your theory, Bones?" Jim piped up from across the room.  
"I'm not sure...could it still be the spores? The rest of us are back to our usual selves, maybe it's different for Vulcans. He's physiologically sound, Jim, I think it's psychological."  
"This is bad, Bones..." Jim put one hand on his hip and with the other he rubbed his chin. "He has barely said a word to me for days."  
Jim was getting impatient. He was worried about his first officer and desperately needed his support on the bridge; he had no choice but to dismiss him from his post. He wasn't working well in his compromised condition, a first for Spock.  
Earlier when Bones asked how he was doing Spock replied without meeting his gaze.  
"I am quite well, Doctor, your concern for my wellbeing is not warranted."  
If he had not known him so well he could easily have missed the agitation in his voice. 

The sickbay doors opened, taking McCoy by surprise. He turned with a start to see Spock enter. The stoic science officer moved slowly towards him then leaned against the far end of the desk and folded his arms across his chest.  
Jim and McCoy rushed to his side, both with looks of sincere worry on their faces.  
"Spock," Jim spoke softly "we thought you were resting."  
"I was, Captain" he sighed contemplatively as though deciding what to say next. "I became restless so I decided to return to my duties. I was told I would find you both here."  
"Are you sure, Spock? Chekov is covering your post, we'd all understand if you wanted to take some shore leave." Jim placed a hand on Spock's shoulder.  
"Thank you but that won't be necessary, Captain." 

\---

The turbolift doors opened with that familiar hissing sound and Yeoman Tamura entered. She stepped down to Kirk's chair and waited patiently as he spoke to Uhura. Looking around nervously, she smiled and nodded when Sulu gave her a look that asked "everything okay?"  
"Ah! Yeoman, how are you? Is everything alright?" Jim questioned as he returned to his chair.  
"I'm quite alright, thank you, Captain." Tamura responded. "I would like to speak to you about Mr Spock, actually, please. In private."

In Jim's quarters, they began their conversation. They had walked there in silence, Jim with a gentle hand on Tamura's back.  
"So, how can I be of assistance, Yeoman?"  
"Well, Mr Spock is...well, he's different." Yeoman Tamura had known Spock for many years, they studied together at Starfleet. They often got together to quiz each other on their knowledge. Tamura felt confident that they were friends, though neither of them would ever say it.  
"How so? Jim asked and gestured to a chair.  
"He's not himself," she started as she settled herself in the chair across from Jim's desk. "I was assisting him with an experiment he was running for the trainees who are observing today. One of them kept interrupting, making rude comments, and Mr Spock snapped at him. He seemed angry, I've never seen him like that in ten years, Captain." 

"I apologise, Keiko, I tried to persuade him to take more leave but he insisted he go back to work. I'll speak to him." Jim assured her.  
"Thank you, Captain."  
"Try not to worry about it. He's a stubborn man." He smiled and guided her out of the room. She seemed shaken so he left her with Yeoman Rand who was having coffee in the mess hall. 

\---

In his quarters, Spock tried to meditate but found he was far too distracted. He thought about Leila Kalomi. He had loved her. He was, for a while, happy. But those tender feelings for her were now gone. If only he could forget them. The way it felt to be in love. To hold another’s hands. To embrace.  
Standing up and straightening out his uniform, he walked to the washroom. Spock placed a hand on either side of the basin and looked at himself in the mirror. He thought he looked sad.  
"This is illogical," he sighed, rolled his eyes and rushed out of the room into the corridor. 

\---

Bones jumped as Spock appeared in his office.  
"My God, Spock! You tryna give me a coronary?"  
"My apologies, Doctor, that was not my intention." he replied with his hands tight behind his back, his gaze firmly fixed on the floor. 

Bones and Jim had been discussing Spock quietly, Bones in his chair and Jim leaning on his desk with his arms folded.  
"Well, Spock, it's good that you're here. We need to talk to you." the Captain said. He nodded to the chair in front of him and Spock reluctantly sat down.  
"Several crewmen are... concerned about you, Spock." Jim began sympathetically.  
"Oh," Spock exclaimed quietly and raised an eyebrow "why is that, Captain?"

"They've noticed that you're not quite yourself. We've noticed too..." he turned to Bones who nodded in agreement. "You seem...how should I say? Highly strung? You're tense, Spock, easily irritated, quiet..." he leaned over and put a hand on Spock's knee.  
Spock was quiet for a moment as he looked at Jim's hand on his knee. He then stood up so quickly that Bones jumped slightly, he was glad it went unobserved.  
"Captain, Doctor, I am perfectly fine. Now, if you will excuse me I have some calculations to do."  
He raised his eyebrows at Jim who waved his hand dismissively and Spock left. 

\---

Spock looked in the mirror again. More illogic flooded his mind. He sighed at himself, ashamed of his behaviour. He tried to meditate again, as he had done for the last ten days, but still he could not.  
It was really late, the Captain and Doctor McCoy would surely be asleep but Spock went to sickbay anyway. Doctor McCoy was known for working late. 

\---

Bones was indeed working late. Sickbay was almost silent; just the steady hum of the ship and Bones working at his desk.  
"Isn't it past your bedtime, Vulcan?" he teased when Spock walked in.  
"Humour is not your strong suit, Doctor, I suggest you stick to your beads and rattles."  
"Touché, Spock," McCoy smiled, stood up from his desk and looked up at him "what can I do you for?"

Spock's eyes immediately fell to the floor.  
"I admit that I have not been myself for quite some time now, Doctor." Spock took a deep breath and continued, "I'm unable to perform my duties competently..." there was a long pause before he sighed "...I'm not myself."

McCoy took Spock by the shoulders and held him at arm's length. His arms fell by his sides and his head drooped so that his chin rested on his chest.  
McCoy asked Spock to look at him but he refused to lift his gaze from the floor.  
"Goddamnit, Spock!" McCoy exclaimed, "let me get a look at you."  
Spock still did not lift his head so McCoy held his chin and brought his head up to look at him. 

\---

"Bones, what happened?" Jim asked impatiently as he strode into sickbay the next morning.  
"Shhhh!" McCoy hissed then continued to speak in a low voice. "My God, Jim. It's Spock, I don't know what's the matter with him. I gave him a sedative, he was exhausted."

Jim approached the biobed on which Spock was sleeping soundly.  
"How long will he be out?"  
Immediately Spock was awake and getting up off of the bed. Jim tried to help him but was brushed away and told his help was unnecessary. 

"Doctor, I would like to apologise for my behaviour. It was most unlike me and I assure you it shall not happen again." He tried to leave but Jim and Bones were having none of it.

"Spock" Jim pleaded "you know you can talk to me...or Bones...whoever you want to talk to. About anything."  
"Gentlemen, please, I do not wish to inconvenience you any further."  
“Now just you wait a damn minute, Spock!” Doctor McCoy grabbed the tricorder from his desk and stopped Spock before he left. He took out his scanner and ran it up and down Spock's body. He spoke quietly to him. 

"Listen, Spock. I know we've had our differences and our disagreements but I consider you a good friend. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me- or Jim- about anything." Neither of them looked the other in the eye as McCoy continued scanning. Spock looked thoughtfully at the top of McCoy's head.  
"If there's anything bothering you- and I know you don't like all that emotional stuff- but if you're upset, please don’t keep it all in. It's no good for you. Think about it. There are a lot of people on this ship; there will always be an understanding ear."

\---

His experience with the spores on Omicron Ceti III had had a profound effect on Spock. He couldn’t ignore it. As illogical as it was, it was taking a real toll on his health. Spock feared for his future in Starfleet if he could not resolve it. He couldn't let it continue.  
He took a deep breath and walked into sickbay. 

"Doctor McCoy, I wish to speak to you in private."

"Alright, Spock, when you’re ready.” McCoy sat down at his desk once they were alone in his quarters. Spock chose to stand.

 

"Doctor I…” Spock began but became unsteady on his feet. Bones was at his side in an instant. He guided him to his bed and sat him down. He retrieved his tricorder from his desk. When he turned back, even in the low light of his quarters he could see that Spock was troubled.  
Again, he scanned Spock’s body and again nothing was out of the ordinary.  
He gasped when Spock grabbed his hand. Not violently or in anger. He just held it. With his other hand he took the medical scanner from McCoy’s fingers and placed it down beside him. 

“Oh Spock, you gotta tell me. What’s the matter?” McCoy pleaded as he seated himself next to the despondent Vulcan. 

“My…” he paused and blinked slowly, looking away from McCoy “My emotions have become increasingly difficult to control. I am ashamed. It is not dignified.” Spock still had a steady grip on McCoy’s wrist. “I cannot meditate or sleep, Doctor, I’m physically exhausted.”

McCoy placed his free hand on Spock’s back, between his shoulder blades. His touch shocked the Vulcan like a bolt of electricity down his spine; he turned sharply to look the doctor in the eyes. McCoy frantically mumbled an apology and rubbed small circles into Spock’s back with his thumb and hoped it would calm him. 

Much to his horror, Spock released McCoy’s hand and instead began to cry. Instinctively, he grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him tight to his chest. His shirt became damp with tears but he barely noticed as Spock wrapped his arms around him. McCoy rocked him ever so slightly and made small hushing sounds and whispered soothing words. He didn’t know how to comfort a weeping Vulcan, he did what his mother did for him when he was small and upset. 

A few minutes passed before Spock managed to regain some composure. He reached his hand out to McCoy who took it. 

“You know, Spock, you’re one of my best friends. I don’t want you thinking you need to hide this from me. There’s no shame in it.”

“I- I’m feeling so much. I cannot supress it.”

“And you don’t need to.”

“You do not understand, Doctor, I am a Vulcan. We cannot simply-“

“You’re also half human. You can’t be Mr cool, calm and collected Spock 24/7. Humans, even half Vulcans, need emotional outlets. We’re social creatures. Illogical and emotional, we need touch and love and hugs. I think you need to find a happy medium.”

“A what?” 

“A happy medium. It’s, uh, it’s a human term. Means to find a balance. In your case I would say you need to find a way to be open about your emotions while also maintaining that Vulcan dignity in the other areas of your life.” 

“That sounds most…” Spock raised his eyebrows, “…logical, Doctor.”

McCoy grinned and removed his wet shirt. At that moment Jim walked in to find Bones half nude with Spock sitting on his bed. 

\---  
The sickbay doors hissed and Spock hurriedly walked in, sweeping past busy nurses. Doctor McCoy sat at his desk reading patient’s notes. He took a sip of coffee and stood up when he saw Spock. As had now become customary when they were alone, they shared a quick hug. Though this time Spock found it difficult to let go.  
“I hear you’re taking some shore leave, Spock. Long overdue if you ask me.” McCoy smiled.  
“You heard correctly, Doctor. Four weeks in fact.”  
“F-four? I hate to say this Spock, but I think I’ll miss you.” McCoy was dispirited. They had grown incredibly close in the few weeks since Spock opened up to him.  
“And I you.” Spock said with the faintest hint of a smile on his lips. “I shall miss your warmth. The heat of the Vulcan sun cannot compare to your embrace.”  
They had hugged a lot. Spock discovered that physical contact of that kind does the best job of grounding him. Every time he felt overcome with emotion he would seek out Doctor McCoy who would hold him tightly and talk to him.  
McCoy felt his face flush bright red, then a cool hand on his cheek. Spock leaned forward and tentatively kissed him on the forehead. McCoy found Spock’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.  
“You are my dearest friend, McCoy,” he said with his head resting atop McCoy’s.  
Bones smiled.


End file.
